Saturday, April 12, 2008

Fauxnancial Vocabulary

I know I said that I was going to stop talking about personal finance and the economy, but this article was just too good not to share. Here are new vocabulary words for our new economy:

  • Narcicession - An economic phenomenon characterized by consumers who believe that basic economic principles apply to other people, in other countries, and other eras, but not to them.

  • Denialation - A period following a narcicession, when consumers fail to understand why their net worth and standard of living are falling.

  • Fauxnancier - An investing genius who knows way more about making money than you or I do, except he doesn't, actually.

  • Can'titative analyst - A mathematical whiz who can't explain where several billion dollars suddenly disappeared to.

  • Masters of the Puniverse - Investment bankers who used to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars and now must get by on a few million.

  • Magicware - Sophisticated software that analyzes complex investment vehicles and makes risk disappear.

  • Auditarium - Soundproof room at banks where auditors are quarantined.

  • Benopoly - An economy in which only the Federal Reserve holds risky securities.

  • Econogloss - Presidential pronouncements that paint the economy as stable. Must be reapplied frequently.

  • Mortgage breaker - A lending institution that peddles mortgages designed to self-destruct.

  • Homeblower - A consumer who thinks that financing a house with a mortgage requiring 60 percent of his monthly take-home pay will work out, somehow.

No comments: